and discovered something about myself that surprised me completely. It was a workshop on how anger, guilt, and shame affect our view of God. Now keep in mind that I am, of course, stunningly well adjusted. I was taking this workshop as research; you know, in case I needed to counsel someone who was struggling with these issues. I am, as I mentioned, stunningly well adjusted.
Or so I thought. The presenter asked if any of us considered ourselves angry. No one admitted to it, but I thought I detected a little testiness with a couple of the attendees. Then the presenter dropped a bomb. "How many of you are frustrated?" Ewwww - I am the poster child for frustration.
Evidently frustration is low-level anger. It turns out that I am actually seething with anger, simmering just under the surface of my cheerful demeanor. I am like a coiled spring ready to snap, a trap ready to spring, a volcano ready, well, you get the idea. We were instructed to explore our beliefs to discover the root cause of our frustration. Naturally the root of my frustration is that other people won't do what I want them to do exactly the way I want them to do it when I want them to. Without asking me anything - they just need to do it.
I realize this is unreasonable. But nevertheless, it's what I want.
We were encouraged to be self-reflective and introspective. Yuck. I hate that. I usually uncover things about myself that do not support the theory that I am stunningly well adjusted. I have learned, however, that this kind of soul searching is necessary for spiritual growth. I'm frustrated about that.
I'll let you know how it goes.